Pouring Life Down on Me

I was listening to some music today that is not entirely out of character, as my snobby music taste goes, but also not a group I frequent. I was listening to Evanescence. I enjoy their music because a lot of it has lyrics I find highly relate-able with music I find expressive enough to tolerate what it lacks, and there are songs here and there that tug on my heart strings, they are so very expressive. One of my favorites of their songs is a song titled “Good Enough,” from which the title of this blog is borrowed. The song details how a woman’s love puts her under a man’s spell and she slowly looses herself to his will and is blinded to the loss of her self due to her unfailing love to him. She also speaks of the pain it causes her, but this love she has pushes her further into her own self sacrifice, giving her own bleeding heart at a mere whim, and similar other word paintings. She repeats “I can’t say no to you.” And through the bridge she seems to be pleading with the heavens “I’m still waiting for the rain to fall, pouring life down on me” as if to get a heavy dose of consequence could be the only thing to bring her focus back into reality. Through the song she emphasizes that only with this one person does she feel good enough, but as she continues she begins to wonder if she really is good enough, eventually identifying the good feeling as a dream, but still trying to convince herself that she feels good, facing her fears in the climax that she can’t hold on to anything good in her life, and then having that fear perpetuate the re-entrance into the cycle of the relationship she can’t say no to. And although it sounds strange to come to this conclusion of all conclusions you could derive from this song, the idea of expectations has been weighing heavily on my mind with it.

So many times in our relationships with others, with parents, teachers, friends, loved ones, lovers, we have expectations in those relationships, and being a fallen people we often don’t reach those expectations. Whether it is honesty or faithfulness, turning in homework or turning over a new leaf, if we know a person long enough we are bound to let the down one way or another. My point in making this rather direct explanation is this: it is not wrong to have expectations of others. There are very reasonable expectations to have in any relationship with any depth. Honesty (truth), Accountability, and Communication are my big three. I can not imagine a functional relationship without all three of these things. Now I know there is a person somewhere in the crowd jumping up and down and waving their hand frantically yelling about love. In a relationship you’re responsible for your actions that both directly and indirectly affect that other person you are specifically taking note of in any given relationship. If you follow those three above your relationship will be functional. I believe that in a relationship specifically, again, in -any- form of relationship, your actions will speak louder than your words. Therefor if you are taking action in love and maintaining these three ideals, you will be acting in love and there is no need to proclaim it from the heavens, though it is nice to hear now and again. 🙂

So where am I getting to with all of this? What on earth do expectations have to do with this song and being good enough? Well, I can only figure that it came to me like this: when the expectations in a relationship surpass what a participant is able to uphold, that participant feels their failure full well. Depending on the depth and length of the friendship they may feel disappointed or shamed and guilty. That knowledge and weight of the shortcomings sparks a very small idea that because that person has failed they are not good enough to continue in this relationship, and, if that person allows the idea to grow, it may bleed into other relationships to a point where that person feels they’re completely unworthy of any functional relationship because a functional relationship will immerse them in acts of love. So instead of pursuing a functional relationship, this particular girl in this song has pursued a relationship in which she convinces herself that things are just fine because this being in love stuff is just like being in a dream…but at the same time somewhere deep in her she knows that it’s just a dream.

And that, I believe is where the idea of “pouring life down on me” comes in. When we, as a culture, use the word “life” in artistic or literary ways, we often mean it in a heavy and begrudging way, frequently referring to some form of consequence. For example, “I went to the dealer today and got my car repaired from that fender bender and you know it cost me hundreds of dollars? But hey, that’s life, right?” Even in such small terms, “life” is characterized as the realism that settles down upon us, the rhyme and reason that keep everything in line. So in this particular case when we see the idea of pouring life down on me, it would seem that this person desires, more than anything, to be met head on with her own consequences, with her own reality, because then and only then can she look her problems in the eye and grow and learn and move on. However her fear of leaving this comfortable dream traps her back into the same old bullshit.

Now, I understand that this is but one interpretation of the song and that there would be many plausible outcomes. I also admit to pulling from personal knowledge and experience , so it’s entirely possible that my interpretation will be completely different from the next person’s. But consider this: I worked my way backwards through the reasoning because I arrived at the conclusions before they were capable of being formed. Normally when those kinds of conclusions come to me so swiftly and so clearly and I have to work on the how we got there, it’s because the Higher Power has directed me to them for some purpose or benefit. Tonight it was so that I would sit at this computer for an hour and a half instead of going to sleep like normal folk. So I hope, dear reader, that you will think on this post. For even if I do not influence you to learn or be swayed otherwise, I hope that my words would stir a thought or consideration within you.

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