Today, or rather yesternight, I realized that a friend of mine has silently cut off communication with me. Now this seems so very simple, so very small, that you may think I am over reacting to this event to call it “betrayal”, but at this point in time, that is how I perceive it. It is a betrayal of honesty and therefore of trust within our friendship. Now granted it is indeed late at night (or rather early in the morning) and I’m sure that my brain is not working so well as it will be tomorrow morning, but I am having much trouble sleeping on this matter. I have great difficulty sleeping on unresolved matters of such a pressing nature.
You see, my dear reader, I have a dear friend. He shall remain nameless. This dear friend and I became close through my final year in high school and though we were not as close in college, I still valued his friendship high enough to consider him as close as a brother, and a friend whom I dearly loved as such. We helped each other through rough times and I specifically remember incidents where he was the only person I knew to turn to for a simple hug and I was the only person he knew to turn to for help. There are still fond memories that are now more bitter than sweet in my heart.
Over the past two months or so, it became increasingly difficult to contact him, which I owed up to the end of a pressing school year. Our last encounter was friendly. But since I’ve sensed a growing tension and an underlying air of deceit. I despise when my instincts hold up to any suspicion. These are times I hate to be right. I realized today I have been cut off from a major communication source between the two of us, that he was in a potentially life threatening situation and did not inform me, and that my suspicions were confirmed and he has in fact not invited me to a large celebration of personal achievement in his life. I do not know when he decided to cut off communication from me because our communication had grown so spotty. It seems it may have been about a week ago. I’m not really sure to tell you the truth, because he was not man enough to tell me that he didn’t want to speak to me, nor why. This total lack of regard for my feelings as well as open communication and honesty in our friendship leads me to think that even after what reason he may give me, our friendship will never be whole again. I can not be friends with someone I can not trust. This is my first personal rule of friendship. And he has displayed that I can not trust him. I suppose that is my conclusion. There are few responses that would allow for our friendship to continue.
I haven’t been hurt like this by a friend in a long time. I’d forgotten how much it stings.