I realized today how very small I am.

Through some of the key development years of my life (mostly high school), I was conditioned by my brothers and my extra curricular activities, such as marching band and drama, to present myself as tall, respectable, and to command a room. Basically to gracefully bring the attention and respect of the room onto your front doorstep. All of this said and done, I rarely think of myself as a small person, and I realize that many other people often don’t as well. So let’s get this straight: I am 5’2″. I weigh anywhere from 125-135 lbs depending on my health and diet. I have a narrow hourglass frame and my posture, once pristine, has diminished over the past year and a half or so. All of this being said, it may strike you as somewhat amusing that today was the first time in a long time that I realized how very small I am. I was taking a shower and caught a glance of my frame in the mirror and I thought to myself, “Wow. I’m so tiny.” And I was actually a bit concerned for the girl my mirror was showing me, thinking she looked rather fragile and not at all as I normally would see myself. It made me realize that I’m no longer promoting a person I wish I could be. I am no longer “acting” confident because I am, in reality, self conscious. Occasionally this is the case, but not constantly, as it once was. I have become the person I once acted as and, in this case, that encourages me. It also makes me aware of just how potentially dangerous of a trait that is. If I am to act a certain way long enough, it will become who I am. My actions will be conditioned into personality traits, perceived or otherwise. This is a trait I am glad to have accomplished, to be perceived in stature by my personality and not by my literal figure. It’s one I don’t believe needs reconditioning.

And they said I didn’t learn anything in Psychology.

And now for something completely different: A man with a tape reccorder up his nose. I realized why it is that my cell phone’s vibrate tone is so specific to my ear, and why it has the capability to be picked up very nearly in music and even to wake me up from deep sleep. It is an (incredibly) flat G. The tone I hear so much because it is a common key for music and it wakes me up so easily because it is so awfully flat.

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